"It's almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases,because I'm going, any moment someone's going to find out I'm a total fraud" Emma Watson
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome creates feelings of anxiety, worry, and unworthiness. The individuals experiencing these feelings do not attribute their success to themselves and often attribute it to external factors.
Never going to any kind of art school. I always feel like I am not a real artist. I look at other artists work and think - surely I can not be anywhere near as good as this. Do my paintings even look 'professional' or am I just kidding myself? I didn't even get an A in my art GCSEs.
Painting to honour my Grandparents and not just for myself. I feel even more pressure, I feel as if I am letting them down if I am not achieveing as much as I think I should be. I lose motivation very quickly, and become overwhelemed, my anxiety gets the better of me.
I start spiralling and thinking about how I am not good enough. How do I get out of this slump? Apart from doing a lot of uneccassary online shopping...
When I am painting and I start creating somehting on the canvas I relax. I can turn my thoughts to nothing but colours and brush strokes. Creating a style of painting that is unique to me. I start to have fun with it.
Abstract paintings are more forgiving, not knowing what the finished piece is 100% supposed to look like, the painitng starts to take on a life of it's own. And when I have finished a painting that I started because of that voice in my head telling me I am not good enough it feels like an even bigger achievemnet. I still find imperfections in my painitngs even when they are finished, on numerous occasions I have ruined a painting because of one tiny little imperfection. Nothing is perfect though, and some of this imperfections can actually make the painting, adds another layer or secret colour...